Life in Transition: Embracing the Cocoon Phase

The Power of the Cocoon

There is so much power in stillness before transformation. It takes courage to step away from the noise, reflect on who you are, and craft a life aligned with your true self. To take the time to reflect on the kind of life you want to build. To take the time to go within, so you can begin to build a life that is so beautifully aligned with who you want to become. This is the power of the cocoon phase. Think about the different seasons of your life. Maybe there is a season where you felt more called to go within, to change habits, to build new community, or get to know yourself at a much deeper level. Maybe there world around you becomes so overwhelming, to the point where a shift needs to occur. Maybe take a moment to pause, gently shut your eyelids, and really reflect on the time during your own cocoon phase. Life is filled with many catalyst moments that redirect us onto our aligned path with a season of abrupt and quick change. But there are seasons meant to go within. To retreat. To rest. To then slowly, but surely, emerge again.

Post College-Confusion

After my college graduation, life seemed to change at an alarmingly fast rate. Friends moving to new states or countries, most of my peers beginning new jobs, everyone readjusting their routines, following their dreams, traveling the world. It felt like everyone around me was thriving. Our early twenties have to be some of the most confusing years of our lives. At least, that holds true for me. I felt like I was starting this new chapter, beginning a job in tech sales, still living at my parents house, and the feeling really began to sink in, is this all life really has to offer? I truly believed that everyone around me was following their dreams, meanwhile, I didn’t even know what my dreams were. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life. Most nights, I didn’t sleep. Most days, I felt really empty and lost. Through healing my vestibular neuritis, my internal world shifted so drastically, my beliefs and values were changed in a way I’ve never quite experienced before. I never really allowed much time for the external world to catch up. I jumped into a full-time corporate job, because it provided stability, and leaped right into a new chapter, one I wasn’t sure I even wanted. Over the course of a few months, I wasn’t sure I believed my external world really reflected the kind of life I wanted to live. For some reason, it felt wrong to feel that way. Because it was different than how I grew up believing life was supposed to be. It was easier to keep the same friendships and relationships, to engage in the same habits, to continue going to the same bars on weekends, to continue moving through life in a way that was familiar. But somewhere deep down, I desired a change. I wasn’t happy — in fact, I was a little bit depressed. I kept telling myself, maybe it’s just all the change, constantly reminding myself how big of an adjustment it is to transition from college to early adulthood. And maybe one day, it will get better. What took me a little while to understand was that I was living out of alignment with what I truly wanted. I realized the desires I had for my community weren’t being fulfilled by the current connections in my life. I noticed many people around me stayed in familiar circles, content with the same routines. But I felt drawn to something different—a deeper connection with myself and my path. I knew I wanted to engage in habits that reflected that made me feel good. Going out every weekend after spending all week in an office, made me feel horrible. It felt out of sync with what I wanted for myself. I wanted to grow. But desiring this kind of change, requires us to become very uncomfortable. It requires us to make the change happen. It requires us to take the aligned steps and actions to improve how we feel and how we want to live. My journey with the cocoon phase was nowhere near perfect, I made a lot of mistakes, but it all led me to where I am not. So, I’m grateful. What does your cocoon phase look like? Have you ever felt like the world around you was moving faster than you were ready for?

Physical Healing as a Catalyst

As a person who loves to experience, explore, and grow, life seems to be marked in chapters by something in my external world catalyzing change as soon as I internally know it to be true. For example, in a previous blog, I talked about my vesitbular neuritis. Internally, I knew I wanted to change my partying habits and heal from a past relationship. But externally, I didn’t know how to take the steps to begin that process. Then, I started having physical symptoms that then led me down the exact path my soul needed to go on to heal. This time, my cocoon phase began unexpectedly after a life-altering car accident. It shook me to my core and catalyzed my journey inward. In a single moment, my perspective shifted, and I realized how fragile life truly is. I really am lucky to be alive from that accident. Have you ever experienced a moment that could have changed everything, had it gone just a little differently? I’ve been there. That feeling followed me around for awhile. The feeling of, you could have not survived. The what if’s. That could have ended so much differently than it did. The car did not survive. But somehow, I did. For a reason, I did. It really rocked my world and shook me to my core.

After this accident, I really reflected on my life and how I wanted it to feel. My friendships felt very surface level, my job felt draining, and there was no depth or passion to my life — nothing that really made me feel a sense of purpose. During this time, realized, I had a superpower of sensitivity. Because of the accident, I grew sensitive to my external surroundings like never before. Going out to loud places, having a booked out calendar, getting by with the things I used to do, no longer worked. I felt a strong urge to go even deeper on my healing journey that I started back when I struggled with vestibular neuritis. So, I did exactly that. I found a new therapist that was recommended to me, and slowly crawled into my safe, little, cocoon. Therapy helped me unpack my emotions and understand the value of self-compassion, which was essential as I rebuilt my life.

Over the course of the next year, I let go of some relationships that no longer aligned with me and leaned heavily on therapy as I navigated this phase. I left a codependent relationship that inhibited my growth. I just didn’t feel expanded by the partnership anymore. Sometimes, we choose to continue growing with someone and working through it all, but for me, I wanted to learn how to do it alone. It was honestly one of the most scary decisions I’ve ever made. It was a leap I wasn’t sure about, but I felt it so deeply in my gut that I had to do it. I’ve been dependent on something for many of my late teenage through early twenties years, whether its substances, friendships, relationships, or something else, for the first time in my life I had the intuitive feeling that I wanted to be alone. I wanted this so I could really go deep in my healing and get to know myself. When I took this leap, it felt like the beginning of a whole new chapter. One where I could finally, fully dive deep into myself. It showed me that even though something may look good on paper, it doesn’t always feel good. And when something doesn’t feel good, it’s on us to make a change. Have you ever found yourself craving change but feeling afraid to leap? I was there too.

There was a similar theme happening with my friendships around this exact same time. I was growing apart from friends I had throughout most of my college years. I never knew if distancing myself from friendships rather than opening up a conversation about how I was feeling was the right thing to do, but it’s what happened. Similarly to the partnership — it was just a feeling that needed trusting. I began to say no when invited out to parties and eventually stopped receiving invites. The inner people pleaser inside me felt guilty, like I always needed some sort of excuse to say no. But I’m telling you, right now, that not wanting to go, is enough of a reason. I always felt like I needed to pretend to be sick, or make up a family event, or say something to excuse myself. But you don’t need to. Your “no” is enough. It is so hard — but I give you permission to free yourself from the stories we tell to others, when deep down, we just don’t have the capacity to show up. And I knew taking this leap would create the space to invite in more aligned friendships. It would give me the space to explore that. Letting go of friendships that no longer matched my values was not an easy process. It wasn’t about them being wrong or me being right—it was about honoring the changes in both of us and allowing space for new growth. We simply did not have much in common anymore. It was lonely there, for a while. Navigating partnership changes and friendship changes. It felt like this big release, letting go of all the relationships that didn’t feel right to me anymore. And the moment I did, I was able to start saying yes to myself in a way I never have before. I moved into an apartment all by myself, for the very first time. And it felt like a new chapter starting. One that was going to be completely on my terms.

Saying Yes to Newness

My therapist expanded my mind to try new hobbies that appeared interesting and take time to write and reflect on the friendships I want to build. If you find yourself in this position, I found that visualizing my future helped so much. I wrote about how I want to feel in friendships, the activities I wanted to engage in with friends, and the conversations I want to have. Drafting a brand new narrative for myself. Don’t get me wrong though. As beneficial as all of these new manifestation and visualization skills were, it was still so, so, uncomfortable. So many times I debated going back to the way things were — because it was familiar. Or because I felt bad. But this is all a part of the journey. It’s so normal to feel this way, we’re simply human. This quiet, cocoon phase, it requires you to go within, to sit with yourself, your feelings, even though it feels like your external world isn’t manifesting as quickly as you’d like. Even though so much initiation was taking place, it was like I hit pause on my life. I began spending most of my weekends alone at my apartment, trying new recipes, and watching new movies, or going on nature walks and exploring different hobbies. A lot of the time, I kind-of felt lame. Like, here I was, 22 years old, wanting to get sober, wanting fulfilling community, new habits and hobbies, but it felt like everyone around me was had a tight-knit friend group, engaging in many activities. There was a lot of comparison happening. The comparison distracted me from why I chose to do what I was doing. It kept bringing me back to truly trusting the flow of this chapter of life. So I traveled a little bit here and there, and then considered moving away like some of my friends, but I never did. I was committed to my healing and wanted to get to a place where it wouldn’t feel like I was running away or escaping from the new life I was building. Because the entire point of this cocoon phase, was to get uncomfortable.

Then, with time, I started trying new things. I tried painting on canvases, bought a film camera I’d then take with me wherever I went, went to my first yoga class, slowly growing into myself more. Today, a few years later, buying that first film camera is what led me down my path of photography I am currently on. Going to that first yoga class led to yoga retreats and yoga teacher training, and a beautiful community of people. You never know what trying one new thing could lead you to. I was developing new habits, I gave up alcohol during this time and focused on my well-being. Today, I’m just over nineteen months sober. I somehow grew to love being alone. I still live alone today. And I’m so proud of myself, as being alone once was my biggest fear in the entire world, and here I was, learning to love every moment with myself. I knew the kind of life I was ready to continue building for myself. I doubted myself so many times along the way, too. I questioned my choices to stay with the process, all because of some silly feeling. Not following any logic, just trusting a feeling.

Saying yes to newness was no easy thing to do. I think it is one of the most courageous things we can do as humans. Sometimes there won’t always be a friend or partner to go to an event, a trip, or a concert with you. Sometimes you have to get real with yourself, because if it's something you truly desire on a deep level, I challenge you, to take the leap and do it on your own. Just one time. That’s all it takes to begin that forward momentum of emerging out of your cocoon. A lot of the time, I wanted to stay in my comfort zone rather than try the new thing. I then had to push myself out of my comfort zone in an entirely new way. I realized — here I am, after all this rebuilding of myself, and I’m going to say yes. I’d attend workout classes, not knowing a single person. I’d attend different virtual hang outs, or support groups with women I’d never met to talk about sobriety and healing, I joined book clubs with like-minded individuals that wanted to grow, attended networking events full of inspiring entrepreneurs and women following their dreams. At first, not knowing really anybody. But with time, community suddenly seemed to appear. Like minded people, with similar values, all supporting one another and wanting what was best for each other. Uplifting one another. I had never experienced this kind of energy before, and all I knew, was that somehow, and someway, I was meant to be a part of it. I felt so grateful, that after all these months and years of going within, getting to the core of who I was and what I wanted, it began to emerge. So, don’t give up on yourself. And don’t give up on your dreams or what you believe you want and deserve. Because it’s out there. And if you need to cocoon and take some time to be with yourself and distance yourself from unaligned habits or friendships, know you are most definitely not alone in that feeling. And trust in the process. Looking back now, I see that trusting the unknown was the greatest gift I gave myself, one that continues to unfold every day.

Embracing Solitude and Self-Growth

Sometimes, our internal worlds and mindsets shift to a point where the external no longer reflects how we feel. Stepping away with the uncertainty of what’s to come, takes courage. It’s a crucial part of the healing journey, getting to know ourselves on that level. And to know what is really right for us and what isn’t, and to trust that feeling. Cocoon seasons are filled with uncertainty, or feeling like we aren’t doing “enough” in our physical world, but one thing I have continuously learned in my life, is don’t discount the internal work. This cocoon phase taught me that growth often requires solitude, discomfort, and trusting that even when the external world feels stagnant, internal transformation is powerful work. The cocoon phase is not about doing nothing—it’s about preparing for what’s next. It’s about baby steps. Allow it to take time. Don’t rush it, even when you feel like you should. Because when the time is exactly right, you will emerge, ready to spread your wings.

If you're feeling stuck or afraid to take the leap, I'd love to hear your story or support you in your journey—reach out or comment below.

We’ll chat again soon,

Vanessa